I don't know what I want.
Kinda.
I want a mutually happy, loving, trusting respecting relationship... Which is (at 42 I'm convinced) a myth. Finally realizing that, I need a plan B. So back to the drawing board, what do I want?
Financial security
A kick ass career/ business
A full social life filled with friends I adore
Quality time with my daughters and grandson (a given)
A smoking body. At least for a woman in her 40's. Hello?! Look at Jen Aniston and Cameron Diaz!
To change my living situation (I'm in his house at the moment). I'm considering renting a house boat to live on, I mean, why the hell not, right?
To put an end to a failing relationship. When something is wounded beyond help the humane thing to do is put it out of it's misery.
A clear head
A positive disposition. Cynical is easy to do it's happy that's a bitch to maintain.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Yeah, So...
Here's the low down:
I spent $265.00 on a months worth of powdered food from Medifast that is supposed to make me lose weight super fast.
....If used properly.
I didn't use it properly.
I'm sure that properly does not include a big glass of German red wine before bed or bugging your 9 year old for half of her chocolate bar. Meh.
The good news is that I still have at least 2.5 weeks worth of the diet food stuff so I plan on giving it another go. You would think with all of the kick ass clothes I have hanging in my closet (and that I continue to buy... that don't fit) that I'd find some sort of will power. Or, the insecurity I feel around my boyfrusband (more than a boyfriend not quite a husband)... But, no, I continue to self sabotage, telling myself I'll start tomorrow and a million other bullshit self indulgent lies.
Vanity and ego, I'm a little disappointed in you guys, you're letting me down....
The only positive thing I have to hold on to is that despite my weight gain, I still look better than his ex wives and horse face. SNAP!
I spent $265.00 on a months worth of powdered food from Medifast that is supposed to make me lose weight super fast.
....If used properly.
I didn't use it properly.
I'm sure that properly does not include a big glass of German red wine before bed or bugging your 9 year old for half of her chocolate bar. Meh.
The good news is that I still have at least 2.5 weeks worth of the diet food stuff so I plan on giving it another go. You would think with all of the kick ass clothes I have hanging in my closet (and that I continue to buy... that don't fit) that I'd find some sort of will power. Or, the insecurity I feel around my boyfrusband (more than a boyfriend not quite a husband)... But, no, I continue to self sabotage, telling myself I'll start tomorrow and a million other bullshit self indulgent lies.
Vanity and ego, I'm a little disappointed in you guys, you're letting me down....
The only positive thing I have to hold on to is that despite my weight gain, I still look better than his ex wives and horse face. SNAP!
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